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I have a suggestion for Judge Roy Moore and the dozens of alleged sexual predators and slime balls who seem to populate the entertainment industry. I will have to admit I wasn’t the first to propose this, and I gained my inspiration from a snarky fellow who, like most snarks on the internet, thought he was a very smart, snappy and laid-back fellow.

His advice: “Take your accusers to court!”

Yes. Prove to a jury that you didn’t do it. Sue them all. Make the false accusers pay for attempting to ruin your life and career.

You will need a good lawyer. One with experience and a good background of defending men against the false claims of politically and cash-driven women.

It would help if your council was also a woman. She should have a degree from a leading college. Especially in the case of the good Judge Moore, she should be familiar with political intrigue and the ins and outs of manipulating public opinion and slanting elections.

It would help if she had made a name for herself. She should be someone of the likes of Johnnie Cochran of O.J. Simpson fame, but with a slant toward politics and the media.

She should be known as a defender of women so she will not come across as someone who couldn’t relate to the trauma of true sexual assault victims. It would be very helpful if the media loved her, so she wouldn’t be ignored or consistently misrepresented when she defends those accused of being slightly, but perhaps criminally, perverted.

Being friends with the media would also guarantee every suggestion or nuanced comment would be reported, and even “spontaneous” news conferences would be full of anxious reporters bent on proving the allegations false.

I assume such a defense attorney would be very expensive, but given the millions involved in the entertainment industry and the millions that can be gained by being a senator, the cost may be well worth it.

She could frame her defense on several points. First, the charges are all politically motivated, or pushed by jealous people who can’t abide the success of others.

Second, there is nothing to see here. Was anyone actually hurt? Did a “true” criminal offense take place?

Third, even if these guys are technically guilty, how does a person’s sexual life influence their ability to do their job? If Moore liked teenage girls, what does that have to do with how he does his job as a judge or as a senator?

Come on folks, we live in a sex-saturated society. Don’t we all think getting a little kinky around the edges is, you know, just a bit cool? Hugh Hefner was recently lauded as a cultural hero and icon, and (wink-wink) a real “with it” guy.

So, you accused “guys” out there, don’t stand for all this puritan, hypocritical nonsense. Get yourself a good lawyer and fight back.

I’d recommend Hillary Clinton for the job.

Dennis Clayson is a marketing professor at the University of Northern Iowa.


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